Controlling My Thoughts

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White Pelicans Landing in Big Bear Lake

Much of my day is controlled by my mindset. If I let one bad thought in, it can ruin my whole day. It has been such a long week, my thoughts tend to be negative. I let myself stew about that one sideways glance that other hiker gave me. Or linger on the fact that someone didn’t say hello. Out here, there are a lot of great people, but there are also those who are petty and judgmental. The petty ones are very judgmental of day hikers, which they all thought I was without my huge pack.

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Reflecting on Where I’ve Been

There is a lot of time to think, and that isn’t always a good thing. I’ve come to notice that my mind veers toward negative thoughts because they seem the easiest to dwell on. Perhaps my mind is looking for easy to make up for everything else being so hard.

It has been an eventful couple of weeks. I’ve been “slackpacking” (walking without the burden of my pack and having my parents pick me up every night) for a couple of weeks as I go through our mountain range. Now that I’m making my way up into my 4th mountain, I’ll soon be on my own again. But I’ve been making better time, doing 12-14 miles per day, up from the 7-8 miles I was doing in the beginning. I can feel myself very slowly getting stronger. Now, I only hurt a lot instead feeling like my limbs are trying to rip from my body. Progress.

I was really sad at the beginning of the week as I was still thinking of my poor dog being bit by the snake. And I was walking through the part that she loves because there is a lot of water to play in. I was dwelling on that when a hiker came in the opposite direction and gave me three little caramels. It was enough to perk me up for a while until the heat set it.

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Walking Through Big Bear

The heat on Monday and Tuesday was atrocious. I passed the 300 mark and walked a little more to meet my dad on a Jeep trail. Being so exhausted, I didn’t think about my phone being in my pocket as I was getting on the back of a motorcycle. Of course it fell out and then was run over by the hummer behind us. Brilliant.

Walking along Deep Creek was gorgeous. There is so much to see and so many swimming holes I’d like to visit when I’m done with this hike. There were even wild burros, and I had no idea they even lived in the area. I soaked my tired feet in the ice cold stream flowing into Deep Creek, then filtered a liter to drink. I went through 5 liters that day and still ran out. I fell asleep in the shade, just past the hot springs, with my feet in the water. It seems that every time I sat down that day, the heat put me right to sleep. I was deeply nauseated by the end of my 14.3-mile day that at one point, I bent at the waist an prepared to vomit. It didn’t happen, but it was that close. The cruel thing about walking along Deep Creek is that you’re right next to the water, but it’s down a 100-foot cliff. I never had it in me to find a way down.

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300 Miles!

I made my way past Silverwood Lake, down to the 15 freeway, then on my way up into the next mountain, I ran into Reed and Nicole (the ones who helped carry Morrigan to the road)! I gave them both big hugs and was so excited to see them, it absolutely made my day. Apparently Reed got heat exhaustion on the same day I did, but he actually did vomit. They hitched a ride into the mountains and were now doing that section backwards so he could recover. We were all excited that it had been cool ever since.

I am tired but I’m pushing forward. I haven’t mastered my thoughts but I’m working on it. I am climbing another mountain and feeling proud of myself. My mom was thinking about it on the way home the other day and said, “When you’re done with this thing, you’re either going to be in really great shape or dead.” I laughed for a full minute. Yes.

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4 thoughts on “Controlling My Thoughts

  1. Kate Gawecka

    Great job Tawns!! I’m so proud of you! You can do this, all the way. Gorgeous pictures by the way, it really makes you realize how beautiful the mountains can be. 🙂

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  2. Luis Mena

    Hello Tawny!!! Lou & Tawna here from Wrightwood. We just got your blog address from Ray & Todd. We saw them yesterday. We are very very proud of you! By the time you get this, I don’t know if you’ll be past Wrightwood or not. But if you’re not, please call or text us. We have hosted 39 PCT hikers so far. You are welcome in our home to rest, sleep, shower, eat, whatever you need. Our number 951-616-8771. Hope to see you soon. If not, we send you well wishes and strength! Lou & Tawna Mena

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    1. unsettledandwandering Post author

      Hi Lou and Tawna! I just made it to Agua Dulce today. I saw your names on the water cache at the base of the mountain on the way up to Wrightwood and I left you a note in the hiker register. Thank you so much for the offer, but I was slackpacking through that section and was able to go home each night!

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  3. Paula Green

    Really enjoy reading about your journey. You’re doing amazing! Stay positive and focus on everything you’re grateful for.

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